*Disclaimer: My husband and I are new believers. We just discovered that church can be contemporary, non-judgemental, and FUN in 2008 (the first time we went to church since being married and the first time either of us had gone without being taken by some random friend or relative as children on a random Sunday every-so-often) . Around the end of that year is when we both accepted Christ. I don't pretend to know everything, in fact, I spend most of my time with God quite confused and overwhelmed. I am not a theologian, and I am not a charismatic writer or speaker. I'm actually pretty long winded! This post will reflect ALL of that.
A little background since it's important to where I am heading with this. During the summer of 2008, in Las Vegas, a good friend asked me to try a new church with her. I didn't want to, but I can't say no (I'm working on that, but in this case, it turned out to be a good thing!). She showed up on Sunday morning, and Ian, in his 22-month-old glory, and I went to church. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. There was a fantastic place for the kids to play during the service. There was music and lights; they weren't singing hymns, it was like a contemporary concert! The pastor was a great speaker, it wasn't boring at all. The messages were completely relevant to life, they made sense to me. The following week, I brought Hazen; we were hooked.
Hazen seperated from the Air Force and we moved home. We found a church like the one in Vegas, though a bit more low key (we had gone from Vegas to Montana, after all!). The messages there were every bit as relevant. During our time there, we went through a huge crises in our marriage, and it was those services and our new faith that brought us through it. I would say it was the end of 2008/beginning of 2009 that we truly became believers.
Hazen rejoined the military. We moved to North Carolina. We joined a mega church that I will miss everyday for the rest of my life; it was THAT good. (www.mannachurch.com...we still listen to the podcasts. Michael Fletcher is the most amazing man I have heard speak.) We were baptised while attending that church. After a year, God (and the military!) had new plans for us and we headed to Texas. We found a new church, around 100 members maybe, and attended services there. It was like a family and we made great friends in the 2 short months the church was open, friends we still see every week for Bible Study and that will forever hold a special place in my heart. Unfortunately, some benchmarks were not hit and the church had to disband. We began attending the "mega" church here in town, PaulAnn Baptist, but it's never felt like home. However, we've wondered if that's because we will always be comparing every church we go to to Manna. *Note: it's called "PaulAnn Baptist" but it's contemporary. We hadn't heard a Baptist thing come from that place, the children's ministry has been great, the worship band is pretty good. Until...
They are doing baby dedications. I've felt guilty because we have never dedicated Ian. He was simply too old by the time we learned about dedications. As soon as I heard about it I was like "Yes! Let's dedicate Teagan!" I had really hoped Manna would do a dedication while we were there, but with her birth being on a Sunday and our impending move to Texas, we only had two services after she joined our family; a dedication didn't happen in those two weeks. In that church and our one in Helena (Montana), dedications were simple. You went to the front, told about your baby, s/he was prayed over by the congregation, and wa-la! Dedicated baby! At this church, we had to register and pick up a packet. Okay, no big deal, right? Well...
In the packet, there was some paperwork and a CD. There were some cool aspects, I thought, such as some "homework" that required you to set goals for yourself and your baby about what kind of person you'd like them to be over the next 18 years. They also wanted three pictures of the baby, which I feel makes it very personal and more of a celebration than other dedications we've witnessed--I loved that! But the sign up form had a few requirements. The first three weren't a big deal: complete and return the form by such-and-such date, child must have been born in the last year, the parents must be believers. Number 4 is where we ran into problems: "Father and mother must be married. We do not believe in Dedicating a child born to unwed parents who are living together. If this describes your situation, we would love to talk to you about what we believe the Bible teaches in this area. If single, we would love to meet with you to discuss your particular situation. Approval to do the dedication will be determined by staff after the meeting. Number 5. All candidates must be approved by Pastoral Staff of PABC.
This was heartbreaking to read. Obviously we're married and this doesn't apply to us. But what about those who it does apply to? Those babies are less deserving of having their lives dedicated to God than my baby? Says who? And single mothers: they have to plead their case to the staff? What an awful feeling to have to be judged with the very real possibility that after that embarrassment, they will be told "no". And I don't imagine gay couples are even given any kind of consideration. How completely sad. I just really can't understand completely disqualifying certain babies because of their parental situation. The Bible tells us that he knew EVERY ONE of us before we were ever conceived in our mother's womb. We are created in His timing. If he didn't want an unwed mother becoming pregnant, she wouldn't. But that baby she is carrying was put there by God. Gay and Lesbian couples adopting or becoming pregnant through donations or surrogacy: those babies were created by God. They all deserve to be given up to Him, just as much as my beautiful girl who was created during my straight marriage.
I admit, I still really wanted to do the dedication. My baby is already 7-months-old, and registration ends this week. We have to decide NOW. Hazen is completely opposed and wants to find a new church ASAP. At first I thought he was being a little dramatic, but last night I was up with the baby and couldn't go back to sleep. As much as I hate to ever say this (haha): he is right. Completely right. One of my hangups was pulling Ian out of a church, a children's ministry, that he seems to enjoy. He has friends, he has fun. BUT what happens as he starts getting older? What kinds of things is he going to start learning from that ministry? Will it be against what we believe, that we are not the ones to place judgement on anyone? Will more Baptist ideology begin to make itself seen over the coming months and years?
This is not intended to be against Baptists, we just AREN'T Baptist. Those aren't our beliefs and they are not the beliefs we want to pass on to our children. We thought we were in a church that simply held the name from it's Baptist roots and had transformed into one of the welcoming, open, contemporary style churches we have come to love. We were obviously mistaken. I don't want to start over in seeking a church home, but I also don't want my children being taught to think themselves better than anyone. And I truly fear that is where we are heading if we stay at this church.
Dear sweet cousin,
ReplyDeleteYou will find this in just about any mega-church or contemporary church you attend. That's just how they are. Conservative Christianity tends towards mega-churchiness and contemporary services.
If you want a more open-minded group, you might need to try Episcopal, Lutheran, or maybe Presbyterian churches (there are two major Presbyterian denominations--one is more conservative and the other more open). Or an urban Mennonite or Quaker church, but I doubt you'll find those in Texas.... These denominations are the few that are more open in their approach to lifestyle issues (I attended an urban Mennonite church for 9ish years, then switched to an Episcopal church when there were major leadership changes to the Mennonite church which made Dan uncomfortable). They also tend toward social justice as well--versus the personal piety-type messages at more conservative churches.
These are all generalizations, and every church is different, of course. But that gives you a starting point for new church searching. If you want to talk more about this, I'm free any time.
Thank you. :) Until now, we've been attending non-denominational churches. This one seemed to be non-denominational until we got that packet. Hazen talked to a friend of his who goes to the same church (actually the one who recommended the church to us in the first place!), and they are looking to go elsewhere, too.
ReplyDeleteWe went to a Lutheran church a couple of times with my aunt and it was okay until we had a guest speaker that spent the entire service slamming gay people; we never looked back! We have a couple of church options here in town we are going to try and if they don't work out, we may start driving to a bigger city each week (don't want to, but we need a church "home"). Our church in NC was truly non-denom and soooo wonderful and full of love and acceptance. It's almost sad to have had that experience because I think we may have our expectations set too high now!
I think Texas is more difficult than other places we've been; a truly non-denominational church is hard to find!
Hmmmm... When I think of non-denominational church, I think of a typical conservative church. You'd be hard pressed to find a non-denominational church that isn't opposed to homosexuality. I'm sure they exist, but probably not in Texas. And I'm not familiar enough with North Carolina to know what their tendencies are. But a friend of mine from college is a pastor of an accepting/affirming congregation in Fayetteville.
ReplyDeleteHere is a Wikipedia article on the topic. Scroll down to the bottom to see the chart for a simple visual.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Christian_denominational_positions_on_homosexuality
The kind of church you are used to probably doesn't exist in the "accepting" world. The Lutherans and Episcopalians are more liturgical, though there are some congregations that are more contemporary. The urban Mennonites are very low-church, but they have a strong tradition of singing hymns in 4-part harmonies which are beautiful. But the Mennonite hymn book has lots of contemporary music in it too, as well as multi-cultural music (which I love). And they focus strongly on the ministry of the laity. Though a Texas congregation may not be as open as a coastal congregation. The Quaker meetings are very quiet and contemplative, typically.
What you experienced with the non-denominational church might have just been a "look the other way" attitude rather than actual acceptance. This is a HUGE issue in the church, and it is difficult to find accepting churches outside the handful of denominations that have made denomination-wide decisions on the matter. The general Christian stance on homosexuality is opposition--this goes for non-denominational churches, as well.
I hope you find what you are looking for. But you may have to compromise on something. =/
Very good points; turning a blind-eye is not the same as acceptance. I'm honestly not sure what our church felt about it. I know there was no "you must be straight/married/whatever" requirements when it came to leading a small group, being baptised, or having a child dedicated. When doing series on family and children, the straight or not/married or not topic was never brought up. There was once where his wife spoke with him (she didn't do it often, but I loved listening to her when she did!) and she brought up that she thought breastfeeding and formula would stop being seen as comparable to one another soon; I was surprised but also found it so awesome. So she opened that can of worms but left many others closed.
ReplyDeleteI suppose seeing what people were on their staff would give an idea of what their acceptance level was, but the staff is so large and I don't have any kind of gay-dar or the gall to outright ask someone their orientation, so I really can't say. :p
I do know that that place was more loving than any place we will likely find again. The focus really was about applying the Bible to our lives, and the main way they liked to do that was through deeds. We constantly had this thing going where we could pick up these little "business cards" in the lobby, and we were encouraged to do something kind and pass on the card (they called them "In the Name of Love" cards) with the hope that the next person would do the same. It could be paying for someone's meal, buying their coffee, trimming their hedges, whatever. We would find a neighborhood in need of help and spend a day beautifying it; they remodeled a widow's house; free car washes, volunteering for programs around the city, etc, etc. It was very much a church that wanted to get out into the community and show people what we believed Christians were meant to be: caring, loving individuals who weren't out to place judgement but who just wanted to spread joy and encoragement to others who needed it.
Texas is different. Finding places like that is difficult, there is a lot more of the "if you do this, you're going to Hell" to weed out and it's hard to find the ones that encourage you to stop looking for the dust in others' eyes. ;)
I think the thing that happened last week bothered me so much because that is the exact reason I hear from a lot of people about why they choose to not believe in God and why they won't go to a church. They fear being judged the minute they walk through those doors and that being in that pamphlet just verified what a lot of people think Christianity is about. I feel like it sets us back so far!
In thinking about it, I think the subject of homosexuality was brought up once or twice, but more in the way of one-sin-being-equal-to-another in God's eyes. As humans, we like to say "well, yeah, I lied to my husband but I didn't murder anyone. So I'm better than that guy." We kind of tier sin based on how "bad" it is, often putting things like murder and homosexuality at the top and putting the day-to-day sins like speeding, lying, judging, etc on the bottom. I know that we were talked to more than once about how ALL sin is forgiveable and ALL sin is the same in God's eyes. The word "detestable" may be used to describe homosexuality in the Bible, but there are strong words used to describe plenty of other "small" sins in there, too.
ReplyDeleteNow the question comes with whether homosexuality is a true sin...ugh. I get so confused, I have to constantly remind myself that I'm not meant to understand all of it, I just need to do my best and one day (hopefully) all the earthly things that have me clouded and confused will be more clear. Trying to understand God is impossible; that's my biggest struggle as a newest believer! I question things and have to remind myself that I'm not meant to understand everything!