Breast IS Best

As I get older, I find myself getting angry. We live in a society that prefers convenience over health, and in the process we are killing ourselves or, perhaps even worse, causing ourselves to live with diseases and ailments for years. We justify it all saying that it's just the card we were dealt, just luck (or lack of) the draw. But looking back at the changes Americans have made in our lives, particularly when it comes to diet, it shouldn't be a surprise that we're all starting to fall apart.

I will preface this by saying I am NOT perfect. I eat all sorts of things I know (or am beginning to realize) I shouldn't. I just had a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with milk...organic milk, but cow's milk nonetheless. I've been known to hit a drive thru because it's easier. And there are some nights I enjoy a little too much drinky drink, even though I know it's not good for me. See? Not perfect. Not even close.

What burns me up the most, though, are the food choices we make for our children. And even worse are the choices we make for our BRAND NEW children. Our country has done an amazing job of making questionable companies with questionable practices very rich (Google Nestle...they have literally killed thousands of babies in third world countries. Disgusting). We've done this by giving new mom's formula in the hospital, by "fixing" any breastfeeding issues with supplementation, by allowing relentless marketing of this liquid that is "almost as good as breastmilk". We don't have any kind of required PAID maternity leave for mothers who will return to work, lactation consultants are few and far between (and often aren't as knowledgeable as they could be...I personally think that having personal breastfeeding experience should be a requirement to be a LC). We tell moms-to-be how great breastfeeding is, but that's often as far as the support goes. Once that baby is born, there are 10 sources shouting "use this formula!" to every one trying to support the breastfeeding relationship. It's ridiculous.

The rest of this isn't going to be PC. It's not going to be popular. It's how I feel, though. I will stress that I am not upset at or judging moms who feed formula. I am upset at a country, society, and medical community who push it as if it's completely fine, that by feeding it we are not damaging our children.

My first thought is that breastfeeding should be as natural and as expected as pregnancy. Nursing our children is the next natural step after giving birth. Just like we can't pass pregnancy onto someone else, we can't (or rather, shouldn't) pass infant feeding on either. It's biologically WRONG. As women, we are meant to nurture our growing babies with our bodies, from the moment they are conceived until some point in the future when that child no longer needs the comfort and nutrition of mama's milk (although, in our country, the popular opinion is that occurs once baby grows a tooth, starts solids, or has a birthday...an entirely different post for a different day...).

I realize that sometimes formula is necessary and THANK GOD for it. It has saved lives, I don't deny it that in the least. I feel like formula should be treated more as the "NICU" part of some babies lives, though, rather than the "pregnancy" part. The ideal is clearly to be pregnant until the point in time when the baby is healthy enough to be born. The same should be true of breastfeeding. Breastmilk should be the ideal with the "NICU" formula as the backup. It should not be considered as good and healthy as breastmilk because it's not. It's great and wonderful for babies and mommies who can't breastfeed, but it is not equal.

This leads into my next point, and that is advertising. But I'm not going to go the usual direction with this and say that formula advertising is bad. I feel that way, but that's not the point I want to make right now. The point I want to make right now is that BREASTFEEDING advertising is misleading. "What?" you say? Well, let me explain.

This poster came from bestforbabes.com. It's nice enough. It shows all the great things that breastfeeding "lowers" the risk of. But I don't like it. Know why? Because I don't believe that breastfeeding lowers the risk of ANYTHING. Breastfeeding is the norm, it is the way babies were made to be fed, the way mothers were meant to feed. The amount of risk that breastfed babies have for SIDS, obesity, allergies, cancer, diabetes, asthma, etc is the AMOUNT OF RISK THAT THEY ARE BIOLOGICALLY INTENDED TO HAVE. Same applies to the lowered risk of breast and ovarian cancers in mothers--those are the levels of risk we are SUPPOSED TO HAVE. Breastfeeding doesn't lower anything. It's like saying breathing oxygen lowers your risk of suffocating. It's ridiculous. The fact is that formula INCREASES THE RISK of all of those things. A more accurate and fair depiction of why breastfeeding is important would be a poster showing why formula is harmful. I think if a poster were made stating that "Feeding this product increases your child's risk of leukemia by 15%" a lot more people would think twice about feeding their child that product. The point is not to make parents feel bad, the point is to fully educate. We're not helping anyone, especially not our children, by sugar coating the fact that we are giving our babies a processed, flawed food as their primary source of nutrition.

So, again, this is not intended to make moms feel badly or guilty. This is intended to show the backwards craziness of our country when it comes to public health. I understand that formula was developed because there is a need for it, and I appreciate that need. But I also know that it is not "needed" nearly as often as it is used, and that's what upsets me.

It Was a Nice Run

16 months post partum, it finally happened...my first period. I am really not excited about it and I had convinced myself that since Little Miss is still nursing around the clock I probably had awhile to go yet. It's right on schedule for me, though, if not a little early (I got it at 17 months with Mister Man). So now we need to figure out what to do TTC wise. The plan has been to not prevent. I don't get pregnant quickly and easily anyway, so there didn't seem to be a point. The problem is, though, that for the first time ever we have a BIG vacation planned next summer, one that will last about 2 weeks sometime between mid July and mid August. So now we need to figure out what to do; do we do nothing and risk an ill-timed due date (as unlikely as we know that is, it could happen. Especially since my due dates LOVE to fall at difficult times)? Do we prevent for a few months to avoid the risk of having a newborn and/or me being too pregnant to travel? For most people this is probably a pretty easy decision. We could try this month and travel with a 1-2 month old. Not ideal, but not impossible. Then we could put it off for 3-4 months and try again. The difficulty for me, though, is that I have endometriosis. And the only thing that stops it from growing is pregnancy/not menstrating. So the fact that I am no longer either of those things means that the growth is going to start again and each cycle that goes by without a pregnancy will mean more growth and more trouble in the future. Hormonal birth control can help, but I'm breastfeeding and don't really like the idea of using a combination pill right now. So I don't know. I guess we have some big decisions to make. It seems silly to even think about it, really, since it took over two years to get pregnant with our current children, but I can't just pretend that no one has ever gotten a "surprise!" baby. Obviously we will be thrilled whenever it happens, but this vacation really is a very big deal and very important, for Hazen and the kids especially. I don't want to risk taking it from them. Oy.

I Have No Words

I think I have been called to help children. How, I am not sure. But, somehow, children are my calling. My biggest issue to overcome, I think, is that I can't help them all. Sometimes I feel so completely tiny and useless. I can't solve the problem of orphans, I can't feed the hungry. I try to tell myself that IT IS ENOUGH if I can help even one. But honestly? It doesn't feel like it. It feels like if I can't help ALL why do ONE? That's wrong and completely backwards and I know it. But it's so hard to think about picking one child and leaving the rest to suffer. I can't even go into the Humane Society because how do I pick one cat or dog and leave the rest? It seriously hurts my heart. A couple of months ago, we sponsored a 5-year-old, Olivier, through Compassion International. At the time of our picking him, he had been waiting 13 months for a family, in an AIDS-riddled place, and was considered a priority child. While I am so happy for the good that our money and letters, as little as they are, are providing for Olivier and his family, I also feel so horrible for all the children that we aren't helping. We want to adopt. Our "goal" is to adopt from China and Africa. But how do we "choose" these children? How do we decide that one is worthy of life as an American and all the opportunities that provides, while the rest aren't (and, seriously, the possibility of neglect--or worse!--starvation?)? Do we trust that God will lead us to the children we should have? And if that is so, who is to say they are in China and Africa? Lately I find myself drawn to special needs children, particularly Down's Syndrome. But, financially and emotionally, we are not ready for adoption. But is that true or just our mistaken human perception? I just don't know. I realize this post makes no sense. I struggle so much with children. I love and adore them all, completely and fully. And the fact that I can't save them all rests heavy on my heart. I know that helping none isn't the answer for me, but the idea of who do I help and who don't I weighs so heavy. For now, I suppose, I will just focus on the babies I have been blessed with. As someone who has dealt with infertility I COMPLETELY understand how lucky I am and how much these two are MEANT to be here. But I still struggle, so much, for all those children that are already here and are going to bed hungry and/or unloved tonight. For them I so desperately pray that something better is on the horizon. And that when one (or more) of them are meant to join our family (through sponsorship or adoption) that we are able and willing to receive the message.

Food Wars

Breast vs. Bottle. It's unrelenting. Talk to any group of moms with babies for any amount of time, and it will inevitably come up. There is no escaping it.

I've never been a "bottle feeder" so I can't speak to that side. I can say that I don't judge those that choose formula (keyword: choose). I don't understand it and it makes me a bit sad that those babies don't get the wonderful benefits of breastfeeding. It makes me sad when that baby is dealing with stomach issues and has to be put on formula after formula to find the one that doesn't upset her tummy. It makes me sad when 5-month-olds are getting tubes in their ears because of chronic ear infections. It makes me sad to see colds go through a family and hit the baby hard because she doesn't have mommy's antibodies and white blood cells protecting her. But I don't look at the parents like they are less than or horrible. I blame our society for letting formula become the norm, formula companies that make their product look wonderful, convenient, and healthy, health professionals for taking "bribes" in the form of free formula and gifts for new mothers, and I blame those who are supposed to be helping mothers breastfeed for sabotaging their efforts. It all just makes me sad.

The majority of the mothers I know who "tried" to breastfeed stopped for reasons that are completely normal. One friend told me she "tried and failed" within 5 days of her baby's birth--you can't fail at it that quickly! Seriously, it's IMPOSSIBLE to "fail" at breastfeeding in 5 days. Another stopped nursing her 6-week-old because she "wasn't making enough" and her baby was always wanting to nurse, and she could only pump an ounce at a time. Breastfed babies cluster feed. They do it to ensure that you DO make enough for their upcoming growth spurt. The pump sucks at getting milk out. I have successfully nursed both my babies, and when I pump I rarely get more than an ounce or two at a time. It's normal and no indication that I'm not producing (since I clearly AM). Other moms are told to supplement after two days if their milk hasn't come in, or if baby isn't gaining weight quickly enough. That first bottle is often the beginning of the end, but the mother thinks it is necessary and later says her milk never came in. Families are unsupportive because the last couple of generations didn't breastfeed. Formula was marketed to the masses and promised moms convenience, shared feedings, more sleep.

I am not saying formula is bad. I don't feel that way about it, I think the original purpose of it is fantastic and life saving. I am just against the way that corporate greed has gotten in the way of the original intent and put the overall health of our country at risk.

The other thing that AMAZES me is that formula is a processed food. It is up for recalls (and has been recalled too many times for me to feel safe giving it to my children as their sole or primary source of nutrition), it is tainted, it is full of non-food items. Overall, I believe our country is aware that processed foods aren't good for us. We still eat them, sure, but we know when we're making that box of mac n cheese or pulling into the drive thru that we're not making the best food choice. So I just can't understand how a baby's first food could be a completely processed one, but seen as a healthy and normal thing. It just blows my mind.

Mention breastfeeding in any kind of positive way pulicly or online, and there will ALWAYS (seriously: ALWAYS) be at least one person who ends up feeling attacked about their formula usage. Doesn't matter if the thing said even involved the word "formula", it will happen. Example: two days ago my baby girl had her 9-month-appointment. She is big and healthy at 18lbs and 28 1/4 inches (and still primarily on mommy's milk). However, EVERY SINGLE TIME I take her to the pediatrician, it is assumed that I bottle feed. EVERY SINGLE TIME with this time being no different. After the initial exam, the first information related to me was "We want her weaned off the bottle and formula by 12 months". Okay... I'm part of an online group with mommies of babies born in March 2011, like my sweet girl. So I posted my frustration at having a pediatrician who offers ZERO support for breastfeeding, who assumes I bottle feed EVERY SINGLE TIME (and has since our very first appointment at two months) and who gave me paperwork telling me not to feed her at night (the paperwork made no mention of breastfeeding, only formula), to not cuddle her or acknowledge her when she wakes, and to let her cry it out. ALL of those things go directly against my parenting style, so I mentioned I would like to find a ped who more matches my beliefs but that it might be impossible considering I only know one other breastfeeding mother in the town I live in. We are NOT a breastfeeding dominated community in any sense. That is all I said. And sure enough, the second response I got was "Formula feeders have it much worse" and went on to bash mothering.com and Dr Sears for their stances on it and AP parenting.

The reason I tell this story (and it is only one of many that I have, but it's the most recent) is to point out the complete unfairness in the debate. I can't say that formula feeders have it worse because I haven't been there. I can say that breastfeeders don't have it easy, though. My suspicion is that both sides have their own, unique difficulties. And if I had to, I think I would say that the breastfeeding side IS worse, and the reason I would say that is because it is unarguably the best thing for babies. But when a breastfeeding mother is attacked, unsupported, or sabotaged the result is too often a switch to a less good food (and I don't feel like this is bashing formula feeders: it is FACT that breastmilk is BEST for babies; anything else is less good). The babies are the ones suffering in this debate, not the mothers.

Breastfeeding can't be talked about. The benefits of it must not be mentioned, mothers must not proudly tell others that they breastfeed. To do these things is considered a direct insult to anyone who uses formula, whether it is intended that way or not. However, it is completely fair for every other commercial on TLC to be for formula. It is completely fair to have ads for formula in parenting magazines. It is completely fair for baby bottles to accompany every baby doll. It is completely fair to send a mom-to-be a formula sample in the mail. It is completely fair to send a new family home with a "gift bag" sponsored by a formula company and filled with helpful things like formula, coupons, and bottles. But we don't get to see breastfeeding commercials. Doctors can't tell us too much about the benefits of it because then they are being "pushy". Friends can't offer advice when breastfeeding is failing because then they are being unsupportive. Why the lopsided representation? We are told "Breast is Best" but society doesn't back that up.

We need more information. We need commercials, ads, pamphlets. We need to see mothers nursing and nursing "older" babies (many think after 6-months is inappropriate; I would say most find over a year to be "wrong"). I realize part of the reason that formula ads are so prevelant is because the formula companies make them. They are willing to spend the big money to get their names into mom's heads. So who would fund breastfeeding ads? I honestly don't know. I am aware that there is much more to it than just "make a commercial!" But something needs to be done. Because while breastfeeding is making gains, it is not happening quickly or drastically enough.