I don't know why, but I go into these periods of absolute laziness. It's really bad...I will sit at the computer for hours and do nothing. I only have a few pages that I frequent, and I will just cycle between those pages continuously for long amounts of time, like something will have changed on one of them in the 10 minutes since I've last been to that page. Hazen told me a couple of weeks ago that he thinks I have some post partum depression going on (thanks, Dear...you're kind of supposed to mention that when you first notice it!), and I wouldn't be surprised if I do have it mildly. I am pretty anti-medication, so I'm trying to make myself more "aware" of it and pay more attention to what I'm doing.
One of my biggest failings as a Christian is that I don't spend time in the Word. Like, at all. I will tell you with 100% certainty that I just don't have TIME...that's CRAP. I just choose to spend the time doing other things. Like the cycling through the internet thing. If I can find time for that, surely I can find a few minutes to spend with God! And it's not just that I spend time doing useless things, I spend time doing things that need to be done, but I do it in a way and at times that really don't allow me to make the most of the hours in the day. For example, my mornings are always chaotic and for no reason other than that I make them that way. We get up. I spend time on the computer. I might make my way to the shower an hour later. I might get dressed after that...or not. I'll know we need to do our schooling and/or run errands. But we CAN'T because Teagan is almost ready for her morning nap...yeah. I basically waste two hours every morning. I get her down for nap, then I have to do the dishes (we don't have a dishwasher). On schooling days, depending on how we did in the morning before nap, we either finish that up or I clean up from it. If it's a cleaning day (typically Monday and Friday) I will clean. These are all important things, but things that could be done more efficiently and at better timing.
Don't get me wrong, I am BUSY. My days seriously feel non-stop, go-go-go. Even when I'm doing my computer cycling, I'm constantly up doing other things. I just find myself back in this chair looking at things that don't matter as opposed to getting ready to do something else that we should or could be doing.
So this week, I have started to use my time intentionally. And the interesting thing is, the more I do it, the less I feel the need/desire to waste time. The early mornings are actually a perfect time to do the dishes or run to the grocery store; Teagan is in a great mood right after waking! But that requires me to not waste time, which means I'm getting up, getting ready, getting everyone dressed, and getting us out the door. It's not difficult to do (we are about to head out the door now...at 8:30...the kids have only been up for about 30 minutes!), I just typically don't do it. During Teagan's nap, I have initiated a "quiet time"; Ian has to either play quietly in his room or play in the backyard for 30-40 minutes while Mommy reads her Bible. Today is day three. The first day went well, though Ian did pop out every few minutes to ask if quiet time was over. Yesterday did not go as well, with him crying and destroying his train set and bed because he wanted to play in the living room. Today we are getting a timer so when it goes off, he'll know when we're done. Hopefully that will help. They say it takes 6 weeks to make something a habit. So with three days down (I'm counting today, although it hasn't happened yet!) we have 39 days left until this should be a habit. Which is, incidentally, the number of days left until Christmas. What better way to celebrate Christ's birthday than with a new habit that actually puts Him in a priority position in my life? And I know that by doing that, the other pieces of my life will start to fall into the places they should be at, especially my husband and my children.
So, wish me luck. I feel better each day and this is only the beginning. I am very hopeful that this is the kick start I have been needing for the last few months to get me out of the funk that I seem to be stuck in.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Hey...Your Baptist is Showing...
*Disclaimer: My husband and I are new believers. We just discovered that church can be contemporary, non-judgemental, and FUN in 2008 (the first time we went to church since being married and the first time either of us had gone without being taken by some random friend or relative as children on a random Sunday every-so-often) . Around the end of that year is when we both accepted Christ. I don't pretend to know everything, in fact, I spend most of my time with God quite confused and overwhelmed. I am not a theologian, and I am not a charismatic writer or speaker. I'm actually pretty long winded! This post will reflect ALL of that.
A little background since it's important to where I am heading with this. During the summer of 2008, in Las Vegas, a good friend asked me to try a new church with her. I didn't want to, but I can't say no (I'm working on that, but in this case, it turned out to be a good thing!). She showed up on Sunday morning, and Ian, in his 22-month-old glory, and I went to church. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. There was a fantastic place for the kids to play during the service. There was music and lights; they weren't singing hymns, it was like a contemporary concert! The pastor was a great speaker, it wasn't boring at all. The messages were completely relevant to life, they made sense to me. The following week, I brought Hazen; we were hooked.
Hazen seperated from the Air Force and we moved home. We found a church like the one in Vegas, though a bit more low key (we had gone from Vegas to Montana, after all!). The messages there were every bit as relevant. During our time there, we went through a huge crises in our marriage, and it was those services and our new faith that brought us through it. I would say it was the end of 2008/beginning of 2009 that we truly became believers.
Hazen rejoined the military. We moved to North Carolina. We joined a mega church that I will miss everyday for the rest of my life; it was THAT good. (www.mannachurch.com...we still listen to the podcasts. Michael Fletcher is the most amazing man I have heard speak.) We were baptised while attending that church. After a year, God (and the military!) had new plans for us and we headed to Texas. We found a new church, around 100 members maybe, and attended services there. It was like a family and we made great friends in the 2 short months the church was open, friends we still see every week for Bible Study and that will forever hold a special place in my heart. Unfortunately, some benchmarks were not hit and the church had to disband. We began attending the "mega" church here in town, PaulAnn Baptist, but it's never felt like home. However, we've wondered if that's because we will always be comparing every church we go to to Manna. *Note: it's called "PaulAnn Baptist" but it's contemporary. We hadn't heard a Baptist thing come from that place, the children's ministry has been great, the worship band is pretty good. Until...
They are doing baby dedications. I've felt guilty because we have never dedicated Ian. He was simply too old by the time we learned about dedications. As soon as I heard about it I was like "Yes! Let's dedicate Teagan!" I had really hoped Manna would do a dedication while we were there, but with her birth being on a Sunday and our impending move to Texas, we only had two services after she joined our family; a dedication didn't happen in those two weeks. In that church and our one in Helena (Montana), dedications were simple. You went to the front, told about your baby, s/he was prayed over by the congregation, and wa-la! Dedicated baby! At this church, we had to register and pick up a packet. Okay, no big deal, right? Well...
In the packet, there was some paperwork and a CD. There were some cool aspects, I thought, such as some "homework" that required you to set goals for yourself and your baby about what kind of person you'd like them to be over the next 18 years. They also wanted three pictures of the baby, which I feel makes it very personal and more of a celebration than other dedications we've witnessed--I loved that! But the sign up form had a few requirements. The first three weren't a big deal: complete and return the form by such-and-such date, child must have been born in the last year, the parents must be believers. Number 4 is where we ran into problems: "Father and mother must be married. We do not believe in Dedicating a child born to unwed parents who are living together. If this describes your situation, we would love to talk to you about what we believe the Bible teaches in this area. If single, we would love to meet with you to discuss your particular situation. Approval to do the dedication will be determined by staff after the meeting. Number 5. All candidates must be approved by Pastoral Staff of PABC.
This was heartbreaking to read. Obviously we're married and this doesn't apply to us. But what about those who it does apply to? Those babies are less deserving of having their lives dedicated to God than my baby? Says who? And single mothers: they have to plead their case to the staff? What an awful feeling to have to be judged with the very real possibility that after that embarrassment, they will be told "no". And I don't imagine gay couples are even given any kind of consideration. How completely sad. I just really can't understand completely disqualifying certain babies because of their parental situation. The Bible tells us that he knew EVERY ONE of us before we were ever conceived in our mother's womb. We are created in His timing. If he didn't want an unwed mother becoming pregnant, she wouldn't. But that baby she is carrying was put there by God. Gay and Lesbian couples adopting or becoming pregnant through donations or surrogacy: those babies were created by God. They all deserve to be given up to Him, just as much as my beautiful girl who was created during my straight marriage.
I admit, I still really wanted to do the dedication. My baby is already 7-months-old, and registration ends this week. We have to decide NOW. Hazen is completely opposed and wants to find a new church ASAP. At first I thought he was being a little dramatic, but last night I was up with the baby and couldn't go back to sleep. As much as I hate to ever say this (haha): he is right. Completely right. One of my hangups was pulling Ian out of a church, a children's ministry, that he seems to enjoy. He has friends, he has fun. BUT what happens as he starts getting older? What kinds of things is he going to start learning from that ministry? Will it be against what we believe, that we are not the ones to place judgement on anyone? Will more Baptist ideology begin to make itself seen over the coming months and years?
This is not intended to be against Baptists, we just AREN'T Baptist. Those aren't our beliefs and they are not the beliefs we want to pass on to our children. We thought we were in a church that simply held the name from it's Baptist roots and had transformed into one of the welcoming, open, contemporary style churches we have come to love. We were obviously mistaken. I don't want to start over in seeking a church home, but I also don't want my children being taught to think themselves better than anyone. And I truly fear that is where we are heading if we stay at this church.
A little background since it's important to where I am heading with this. During the summer of 2008, in Las Vegas, a good friend asked me to try a new church with her. I didn't want to, but I can't say no (I'm working on that, but in this case, it turned out to be a good thing!). She showed up on Sunday morning, and Ian, in his 22-month-old glory, and I went to church. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. There was a fantastic place for the kids to play during the service. There was music and lights; they weren't singing hymns, it was like a contemporary concert! The pastor was a great speaker, it wasn't boring at all. The messages were completely relevant to life, they made sense to me. The following week, I brought Hazen; we were hooked.
Hazen seperated from the Air Force and we moved home. We found a church like the one in Vegas, though a bit more low key (we had gone from Vegas to Montana, after all!). The messages there were every bit as relevant. During our time there, we went through a huge crises in our marriage, and it was those services and our new faith that brought us through it. I would say it was the end of 2008/beginning of 2009 that we truly became believers.
Hazen rejoined the military. We moved to North Carolina. We joined a mega church that I will miss everyday for the rest of my life; it was THAT good. (www.mannachurch.com...we still listen to the podcasts. Michael Fletcher is the most amazing man I have heard speak.) We were baptised while attending that church. After a year, God (and the military!) had new plans for us and we headed to Texas. We found a new church, around 100 members maybe, and attended services there. It was like a family and we made great friends in the 2 short months the church was open, friends we still see every week for Bible Study and that will forever hold a special place in my heart. Unfortunately, some benchmarks were not hit and the church had to disband. We began attending the "mega" church here in town, PaulAnn Baptist, but it's never felt like home. However, we've wondered if that's because we will always be comparing every church we go to to Manna. *Note: it's called "PaulAnn Baptist" but it's contemporary. We hadn't heard a Baptist thing come from that place, the children's ministry has been great, the worship band is pretty good. Until...
They are doing baby dedications. I've felt guilty because we have never dedicated Ian. He was simply too old by the time we learned about dedications. As soon as I heard about it I was like "Yes! Let's dedicate Teagan!" I had really hoped Manna would do a dedication while we were there, but with her birth being on a Sunday and our impending move to Texas, we only had two services after she joined our family; a dedication didn't happen in those two weeks. In that church and our one in Helena (Montana), dedications were simple. You went to the front, told about your baby, s/he was prayed over by the congregation, and wa-la! Dedicated baby! At this church, we had to register and pick up a packet. Okay, no big deal, right? Well...
In the packet, there was some paperwork and a CD. There were some cool aspects, I thought, such as some "homework" that required you to set goals for yourself and your baby about what kind of person you'd like them to be over the next 18 years. They also wanted three pictures of the baby, which I feel makes it very personal and more of a celebration than other dedications we've witnessed--I loved that! But the sign up form had a few requirements. The first three weren't a big deal: complete and return the form by such-and-such date, child must have been born in the last year, the parents must be believers. Number 4 is where we ran into problems: "Father and mother must be married. We do not believe in Dedicating a child born to unwed parents who are living together. If this describes your situation, we would love to talk to you about what we believe the Bible teaches in this area. If single, we would love to meet with you to discuss your particular situation. Approval to do the dedication will be determined by staff after the meeting. Number 5. All candidates must be approved by Pastoral Staff of PABC.
This was heartbreaking to read. Obviously we're married and this doesn't apply to us. But what about those who it does apply to? Those babies are less deserving of having their lives dedicated to God than my baby? Says who? And single mothers: they have to plead their case to the staff? What an awful feeling to have to be judged with the very real possibility that after that embarrassment, they will be told "no". And I don't imagine gay couples are even given any kind of consideration. How completely sad. I just really can't understand completely disqualifying certain babies because of their parental situation. The Bible tells us that he knew EVERY ONE of us before we were ever conceived in our mother's womb. We are created in His timing. If he didn't want an unwed mother becoming pregnant, she wouldn't. But that baby she is carrying was put there by God. Gay and Lesbian couples adopting or becoming pregnant through donations or surrogacy: those babies were created by God. They all deserve to be given up to Him, just as much as my beautiful girl who was created during my straight marriage.
I admit, I still really wanted to do the dedication. My baby is already 7-months-old, and registration ends this week. We have to decide NOW. Hazen is completely opposed and wants to find a new church ASAP. At first I thought he was being a little dramatic, but last night I was up with the baby and couldn't go back to sleep. As much as I hate to ever say this (haha): he is right. Completely right. One of my hangups was pulling Ian out of a church, a children's ministry, that he seems to enjoy. He has friends, he has fun. BUT what happens as he starts getting older? What kinds of things is he going to start learning from that ministry? Will it be against what we believe, that we are not the ones to place judgement on anyone? Will more Baptist ideology begin to make itself seen over the coming months and years?
This is not intended to be against Baptists, we just AREN'T Baptist. Those aren't our beliefs and they are not the beliefs we want to pass on to our children. We thought we were in a church that simply held the name from it's Baptist roots and had transformed into one of the welcoming, open, contemporary style churches we have come to love. We were obviously mistaken. I don't want to start over in seeking a church home, but I also don't want my children being taught to think themselves better than anyone. And I truly fear that is where we are heading if we stay at this church.
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