Breast vs. Bottle. It's unrelenting. Talk to any group of moms with babies for any amount of time, and it will inevitably come up. There is no escaping it.
I've never been a "bottle feeder" so I can't speak to that side. I can say that I don't judge those that choose formula (keyword: choose). I don't understand it and it makes me a bit sad that those babies don't get the wonderful benefits of breastfeeding. It makes me sad when that baby is dealing with stomach issues and has to be put on formula after formula to find the one that doesn't upset her tummy. It makes me sad when 5-month-olds are getting tubes in their ears because of chronic ear infections. It makes me sad to see colds go through a family and hit the baby hard because she doesn't have mommy's antibodies and white blood cells protecting her. But I don't look at the parents like they are less than or horrible. I blame our society for letting formula become the norm, formula companies that make their product look wonderful, convenient, and healthy, health professionals for taking "bribes" in the form of free formula and gifts for new mothers, and I blame those who are supposed to be helping mothers breastfeed for sabotaging their efforts. It all just makes me sad.
The majority of the mothers I know who "tried" to breastfeed stopped for reasons that are completely normal. One friend told me she "tried and failed" within 5 days of her baby's birth--you can't fail at it that quickly! Seriously, it's IMPOSSIBLE to "fail" at breastfeeding in 5 days. Another stopped nursing her 6-week-old because she "wasn't making enough" and her baby was always wanting to nurse, and she could only pump an ounce at a time. Breastfed babies cluster feed. They do it to ensure that you DO make enough for their upcoming growth spurt. The pump sucks at getting milk out. I have successfully nursed both my babies, and when I pump I rarely get more than an ounce or two at a time. It's normal and no indication that I'm not producing (since I clearly AM). Other moms are told to supplement after two days if their milk hasn't come in, or if baby isn't gaining weight quickly enough. That first bottle is often the beginning of the end, but the mother thinks it is necessary and later says her milk never came in. Families are unsupportive because the last couple of generations didn't breastfeed. Formula was marketed to the masses and promised moms convenience, shared feedings, more sleep.
I am not saying formula is bad. I don't feel that way about it, I think the original purpose of it is fantastic and life saving. I am just against the way that corporate greed has gotten in the way of the original intent and put the overall health of our country at risk.
The other thing that AMAZES me is that formula is a processed food. It is up for recalls (and has been recalled too many times for me to feel safe giving it to my children as their sole or primary source of nutrition), it is tainted, it is full of non-food items. Overall, I believe our country is aware that processed foods aren't good for us. We still eat them, sure, but we know when we're making that box of mac n cheese or pulling into the drive thru that we're not making the best food choice. So I just can't understand how a baby's first food could be a completely processed one, but seen as a healthy and normal thing. It just blows my mind.
Mention breastfeeding in any kind of positive way pulicly or online, and there will ALWAYS (seriously: ALWAYS) be at least one person who ends up feeling attacked about their formula usage. Doesn't matter if the thing said even involved the word "formula", it will happen. Example: two days ago my baby girl had her 9-month-appointment. She is big and healthy at 18lbs and 28 1/4 inches (and still primarily on mommy's milk). However, EVERY SINGLE TIME I take her to the pediatrician, it is assumed that I bottle feed. EVERY SINGLE TIME with this time being no different. After the initial exam, the first information related to me was "We want her weaned off the bottle and formula by 12 months". Okay... I'm part of an online group with mommies of babies born in March 2011, like my sweet girl. So I posted my frustration at having a pediatrician who offers ZERO support for breastfeeding, who assumes I bottle feed EVERY SINGLE TIME (and has since our very first appointment at two months) and who gave me paperwork telling me not to feed her at night (the paperwork made no mention of breastfeeding, only formula), to not cuddle her or acknowledge her when she wakes, and to let her cry it out. ALL of those things go directly against my parenting style, so I mentioned I would like to find a ped who more matches my beliefs but that it might be impossible considering I only know one other breastfeeding mother in the town I live in. We are NOT a breastfeeding dominated community in any sense. That is all I said. And sure enough, the second response I got was "Formula feeders have it much worse" and went on to bash mothering.com and Dr Sears for their stances on it and AP parenting.
The reason I tell this story (and it is only one of many that I have, but it's the most recent) is to point out the complete unfairness in the debate. I can't say that formula feeders have it worse because I haven't been there. I can say that breastfeeders don't have it easy, though. My suspicion is that both sides have their own, unique difficulties. And if I had to, I think I would say that the breastfeeding side IS worse, and the reason I would say that is because it is unarguably the best thing for babies. But when a breastfeeding mother is attacked, unsupported, or sabotaged the result is too often a switch to a less good food (and I don't feel like this is bashing formula feeders: it is FACT that breastmilk is BEST for babies; anything else is less good). The babies are the ones suffering in this debate, not the mothers.
Breastfeeding can't be talked about. The benefits of it must not be mentioned, mothers must not proudly tell others that they breastfeed. To do these things is considered a direct insult to anyone who uses formula, whether it is intended that way or not. However, it is completely fair for every other commercial on TLC to be for formula. It is completely fair to have ads for formula in parenting magazines. It is completely fair for baby bottles to accompany every baby doll. It is completely fair to send a mom-to-be a formula sample in the mail. It is completely fair to send a new family home with a "gift bag" sponsored by a formula company and filled with helpful things like formula, coupons, and bottles. But we don't get to see breastfeeding commercials. Doctors can't tell us too much about the benefits of it because then they are being "pushy". Friends can't offer advice when breastfeeding is failing because then they are being unsupportive. Why the lopsided representation? We are told "Breast is Best" but society doesn't back that up.
We need more information. We need commercials, ads, pamphlets. We need to see mothers nursing and nursing "older" babies (many think after 6-months is inappropriate; I would say most find over a year to be "wrong"). I realize part of the reason that formula ads are so prevelant is because the formula companies make them. They are willing to spend the big money to get their names into mom's heads. So who would fund breastfeeding ads? I honestly don't know. I am aware that there is much more to it than just "make a commercial!" But something needs to be done. Because while breastfeeding is making gains, it is not happening quickly or drastically enough.
